via Leslie Kinzel - “Love yourself, but not too much: Seventeen’s mixed message.” (via redefiningbodyimage)
“We said love yourself as you are, we didn’t say you’re not ugly!”
one girl revolution: philomathic: For anarchists who do know something about anthropology,...
For anarchists who do know something about anthropology, the arguments are all too familiar. A typical exchange goes something like this:
Skeptic: Well, I might take this whole anarchism idea more seriously if you could give me some reason to think it would work. Can you…
An analogy:
Skeptic: Ice can’t melt!
Scientist: What are you talking about? Of course ice can melt!
Skeptic: Give me an example of melted ice, then. From the REAL world, not one of your artificial laboratories. What does ice look like after it melts?
Scientist: There’s always been melted ice. It becomes a liquid. It covers 70% of the planet!
Skeptic: No, that’s water. What does ICE look like after it melts?
Scientist: It doesn’t. It becomes water.
Skeptic: See? I told you. No such thing as melted ice.
*Scientist headdesks*
Re: Sex Change, Social Change, “Interview with Mirha Soleil-Ross,” Women’s Press 2005, p91
I’m really confused as to how it’s appropriation to consider and support trans sex workers, as listed in the second paragraph…?
I believe what the OP is referring to is how news headlines and events like the DoR are used as a battle cry for trans* rights, without recognizing the need for sex worker’s rights. People simultaneously use these victims as the poster children for trans* rights while pushing a mainstream, assimilationist agenda.
(Source: workingsex)
Types of cis bigots I am quite tired of (a bit of a rant, this)
[warning for cissexism]
The Fundiegelical: “You may think you’re ‘happy’ by wearing the clothing of the opposite sex, but you’re living in sin and you’re going straight to hell! Jesus loves you.”
The “Enlightened” Liberal: “But gender doesn’t even matter, because deep down, we’re all the same. So why is it such a big deal what I call you?”
The TERF: “By embracing a gender role opposite your assigned sex, you are reifying gender/privilege and thus making it that much harder for us to smash gender. I know that sounds contradictory but, if you’d been a feminist for as long as I have, you’d understand.”
The Proto-TERF: “Of course I don’t have anything against trans people, but abortion/sex work/breast cancer/ovarian cancer/whatever is and has always been a women’s issue! Why do you want to take it away from women?”
The Ungendering Fetishist: “Hey, I don’t have anything against sh*m*les! I think you’re hot! I watch sh*m*le porn all the time.”
The Clueless Oppression-Olympian: “Transness is just a white/abled/Western issue, so why should I care about it?”
The Incrementalist: “Look, people just aren’t ready to accept trans folks yet. So instead of arguing about what pronouns to use for you, we should focus on something we can actually accomplish, like [insert other tenuously-related SJ cause here].”
The Genital-Focused: “I totally respect and support trans people, but I would never date one. Because ewww.”
The Broad-Stroke Painter: “I once met a trans person who was selfish/mean/creepy/bad in general, so you’re all like that and I won’t respect any of you.”
The Inveterate Essentialist: “But… you can’t be a woman, because you have a PENIS! And chromosomes! And… a PENIS!”
The What-About-Teh-Cis Whiner: “I know my refusal to call you ‘she’ hurts you, but you have to understand that your demand to call you ‘she’ hurts me, too. What about my feelings?”
The Pig-Headed “Skeptic”: “Do you have actual evidence that you’re really a woman? No, of course you don’t, because it’s impossible by definition. No, shut up; I’m right and you’re wrong, PERIOD.”
The “Free Speech” Whiner: “Don’t you think that, in the spirit of free and open discussion, you should listen to my side of things instead of just dismissing it out of hand as ‘bigotry’?”
The Devil’s Advocate: “I’m not saying prejudice is right, but, to be fair, it is a little weird for someone to present as a woman and yet have a penis.”
The Self-Proclaimed “Ally”: “How dare you say I’ve been cissexist? Don’t you know how very supportive I’ve been of you and your causes? Why aren’t you grateful?”
The “Edgy” Comedian: “Look, it was a joke. I’m sorry you’re too unsophisticated to understand why it’s funny; I guess I’m just too edgy for you. Maybe one day, when you grow up a little, you’ll stop trying to censor humor.”
(Hint to cis people: don’t do any of these things.)
For the love of god, this.
I’m Done with Public Education
Let’s make this official: My role as a writer, blogger, and performer is not about educating cis people. Let me repeat: I am not here to educate you, random cis stranger on the internet. There are plenty of other trans* activists who do the education thing wonderfully. But I choose not to be one of them. I’m gonna focus on my own people instead, k?
If you want education, you have two options: 1) Pay me tuition, or 2) Ask someone else. My patience has worn thin and I have more important things to do. Some of which may result in the education of cis strangers but thank god, not directly.
If I keep trying to educate outside of my personal sphere I’ll actually start doing what these ignorant d-bags wrongfully accuse me of, and that’s categorically hating cis people.
If you don’t understand why some marginalized people get to this point, chances are good the reason includes people like you.
BTW, this doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop calling you out on your shit, either.
When cis people say, “I’ve never known any trans people, but if I did…”
You do realize it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ve known or met a trans person at some point, right? Especially if you live in or have visited a population-dense area? You’re just assuming you’d KNOW if you met a trans person. You’re assuming all trans* people “look trans”. (And by extension, that all cis people “look cis”.) You’re speaking in stereotypes. Stop it.
So you want to be a cis ally? But…
(TW: for cissexism)
- Some of those trans* people are so angry!
- How can they expect us to know about all of these genders and words and pronouns? There’s too much to keep track of!
- Why won’t those trans* people just sit down and calmly, politely explain everything to me?
- I feel uncomfortable when they get upset with ‘cis people’ as a group. I’m a cis person! My feelings are hurt by that!
- Learning to use the right pronouns is so hard! Give me a break!
- I don’t know about all that stuff about [insert pointlessly controversial issue here that pertains to the health and well being of trans* folks, such as healthcare access, housing, safe bathroom access, etc.]
- Trans* people demand too much of us! Can’t they be happy with a little change?
- Why do they call me out on things? Don’t they know I’m an ally?
These are all things I’ve heard come out of the mouths of people who call themselves “allies.” I could easily add to this list (and I encourage other folks to do so!). In fact some of these are direct quotes from messages I’ve received in the last month, or from people I’ve recently spoken with in person. To save myself the energy of individually replying to each of those messages in the future, I am writing this up.
Cis aspiring allies, if you catch yourself thinking something close to any of the things I listed above, this might be a good time to take a minute and check your privilege.
I could sit here and go through each bullet point to let you know what’s problematic about that line of thinking. In fact, I seriously considered using up my own time and energy to do so. But honestly, that would defeat and undermine the whole point of this post.
When we are in positions of aspiring allyship (as I quite often find myself, as a trans person who holds a number of privileges around race, class, ability, citizenship status, etc.) we cannot expect that the communities we aspire to work in solidarity with will have the time, energy, ability, or desire to explain to us what we are “doing wrong”.
As cis aspiring allies, you have to learn to take trans* folks’ articulations of our anger, rage, pain, joy, frustration, and devastation as hugely generous gifts. When we show you how we are feeling about our lives, about you, about people like you, and about the cissexist culture that benefits you, it is hugely important that you listen. Sometimes listening may feel uncomfortable, especially if you see yourself as an ally but you are being implicated in our pain. That discomfort means you have an opportunity to learn.
It is possible that, after really listening to what we’ve said, it still isn’t apparent to you what might be problematic, hurtful, or wrong about what you’ve said or done. It still isn’t time to go ask a trans* person.
It’s time to first ask yourself. No, I mean really ask yourself. Roll things around in your head for days on end, try your best to figure it out, seek out whatever resources you can possibly find. Then, once you’ve completely exhausted your resources, if you still can’t figure it out, and you want to speak with a trans* person who has called you out, do so with an enormous amount of humility and respect and caution.
Don’t dive into questions without intentionally making the space for us to decline to answer. Don’t expect us to explain to you what you’ve “done wrong”. Don’t frame our call-out as less legitimate if we cannot or will not sit down with you and politely explain everything step by step. Many of us are asked to do this every day just to get people to understand “what” we are.
And don’t be discouraged if you don’t get an answer. Part of allyship is knowing that you may have to live with discomfort, and without answers, and still move forward as best you can to work in solidarity. It may take time and work before you understand the harm your words or actions have caused. That is also okay. Just trust that we’re not calling you out for some sinister reason. We’re calling you out because we recognize your capacity to grow as a person and as an ally. Make good use of that gift.
Just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood queen <3
This whole subject is why I don’t use the word “ally” anymore. There are merely cis people who are total douchebags, and cis people who are unintentional douchebags. Unintentional douchebags say f-ed up problematic things from time to time, but when you call them out they actually listen and make serious effort to change.
Heems (of Das Racist)
<33333
(via queerriotqueen)
*always. always right.
(via man-themed)
Esta madre.
(via ghostofanidea)
This forever.
(via waronxmas)
Checking your privilege. This is how it’s done. Take note, recent commenters.
(Source: heliosrex)
…
…
…
Stop acting like a princess! You’re acting like a princess!! Ooh… little princess… boo hoo.”
Parents talking to their crying, four-year-old son. (via microaggressions)
We need to start calling out this kind of behavior as the emotional abuse it is. And talking about how this kind of abuse both oppresses men and teaches them to have utter contempt for women at the same time - this little boy is learning about how he’s supposed to behave, learning to associate undesirable behavior with women, and learning to be afraid and contemptuous of gender nonconforming people.
(via arewomenhuman)
I once saw two straight cis parents with their child, who was around three years old. He was crying. The father said to him, “Stop crying you faggot!” Both parents laughed at him and continued to make fun of him. This was in a public area. Nobody around them batted an eye There weren’t even any secret glances of disapproval. This was completely acceptable behavior to them.
This is pure abuse. All forms of this same behavior (“man up”, “take it like a man”, “sissy”, “boys don’t cry”, coaches calling athletes “ladies”, etc.) are violent abuse. No matter how extreme or subtle. And all forms encourage escalation to physical violence. Against men who violate these norms, and against the feminine people these attacks target.
(Source: microaggressions)
Explain countless times I’m not attacking cis people for having binary identities, but instead that the political meanings attached to those binary identities are oppressive and that you prop them up if you don’t approach binary gender with a critical mindset. Explain I myself have a binary identity and still question the validity of these mainstream constructs. Even though my assertion about the need to question binary gender ALSO applies to binary trans people—and can I say this again isn’t an attack on binary identities but on the sociopolitical baggage and assumptions they carry…
Other people still insist I’m insulting cis people for having binary genders.
”I give up. This blog is officially not intended for cis audiences. You can read, you can comment, but you are not the target audience. Because of endless crap like this. Don’t like it? Then listen better. And tell your cis friends to listen better.
(yes all this text is me. I’m taking artistic license with the “quote” post)
