This weekend I connected some dots about my history and realized something incredibly terrifying, even moreso than what I had already known. Still pretty sure I’m at the very end of the “surprises” phase and heading into the “all that’s missing are the fine details” phase. I’m pretty sure I don’t want or need to know all the specifics. It’s just… horrific. I’m just fine knowing the basic gist of things without recovering every single memory. I’m sure it’ll happen on its own without even trying–triggers being the persistent things they are–but I’m fine to let my body set the schedule on its own.
TL;DR It’s fucking amazing I’m still alive, and every day I continue to live and even attempt a halfway normal life is a testament to how intelligent, strong, tenacious, and amazing I am. Holy shit.